


Unspoken Bat-Rule

by tamaraneankori



Category: DCU (Comics), Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons), Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Spandex, borderline crack possibly, the spandex doesn't shape you, you shape the spandex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4017919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamaraneankori/pseuds/tamaraneankori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The spandex doesn't shape you, you shape the spandex" said the Boy Wonder. </p><p>"I love it. We're keeping it"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unspoken Bat-Rule

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know.

Unspoken Bat-Rules

After the quick briefing about their new mission which Miss Martian and Aqualad would not be participating in, Kid Flash, Robin and Artemis were left to mingle among themselves. As they watched Batman's retreating form. Artemis' gaze lasts a bit longer than the others'. When she was positive that the Dark Knight had left she turned to the youngest member of Young Justice.

"Alright Robin, spill it!"

"…spill what?" Robin asked confused.

"Your guys' training regimes! I want to know how to get an ass," she paused a bit to gesture in the direction Batman had walked off, "like that!"

Robin repeated, "Like…like that…?" slightly flustered and unsure how to respond

"Dude…were you checking out Batman's ass…?" Kid Flash asked.

Artemis sighed, "Honestly, not the point, Kid Tard…c'mon Robin, you've been working with him how long?"

"Five years…" he replied uncertainly. He was still completely and totally unsure as to how he should be reacting to the conversation.

"And your trying to tell me that you never noticed how toned that man's backside is?"

"Uhh…"

"You know, I'm pretty sure Rob doesn't go around from rooftop to rooftop checking out his dad's junk." Kid Flash said for his startled best friend. "And, dude, how did you even sneak a peek? He wears a freakin' cape for crying out loud! The only thing we can even see is his front side and—oh God—I don't even want to know what you were looking at then!" He exclaimed horrified.

"Firstly: No. I was not checking out what you think I was checking out. And secondly: whenever he turns around his cape's a little too slow to follow; but hey, I'm not complaining." She pulled a smirk on her face that was starting the creep the other to heroes out.

"So, what? You were totally and completely just paying attention to his face and the words coming from his mouth during the briefing?" Wally asked her.

Artemis thought about it for a bit and the replied, "Just a bit. Have you seen that man's abs? Mmm."

Mmm? Dick thought that's the same "Mmm" she used that one time with Superboy!

"Okay, guys you can stop now. Seriously not feeling the aster. Ew, just ew."

"C'mon, Boy Wonder. I'm waiting for answers."

Robin wasn't exactly sure what she wanted…"I don't—"

"And don't tell me you don't know," the archer interjected and after a quick head to toe of the young protégé of Batman, she said, "you obviously know something 'cause you aren't looking so bad yourself…"

Flustered now turned into a full on blush. And some stuttering. Lots of stuttering.

Wally, who had enough of Artemis sexually harassing his BFF with her eyes took a protective stance in front of Robin. "AUGH. Stop checking out my best friend, you pedobear!"

The accused looked at Wally unimpressed then asked him "Aren't you just a little bit curious? You're the runner here; you of all people should own those steaming buns."

Wha…"NO! Ew, don't tell me you were looking at my—No, just—scarred for life!"

"So what is it, kid?" She turned back to Robin determined to get an answer. "Some unspoken rule of the Batcave? Number 58 is probably something like 'If you're gonna to add spandex to the costume…You gotta have the ass for it'."

After finally getting his bearing and processing what was going on Robin got an idea. But he had to play along first. "Pssh, as if it'd be a stupid rule like that!"

"Really? Well, I'm pretty sure no normal man has an ass like that." Artemis accused a little shocked that the boy was forming coherent sentences.

"Really. Besides, Unspoken Rule Number 58 is actually: DO NOT (UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES) TOUCH THE BATMOBILE WITHOUT BATMAN'S PERMISSION. THAT MEANS YOU ROBIN. In all caps, too." He explained.

Here, Kid Flash added: "Yeah, and Number 43 is: Wallace West (aka Kid Flash) is not allowed into the Batcave on a sugar high, caffeine rush, or after consuming an energy drink (or a combination of all three)!"

"Do I even want to know?"

"He did all three."

"Yup. And it took weeks to clean up the Batcave after that. By myself, too. Uncle Barry would not stop laughing at me!"

"Not surprising. I'd be laughing too."

Seeing his chance Robin decided to pick up the conversation where it had left off. "Haha, yeah, anyway. Since you want to know so badly; what you were looking for was Unspoken Bat-Rule Number 27: 'The spandex doesn't shape you; you shape the spandex.' "

There was a moment of shocked silence.

"That might actually be the best sentence I've ever heard"

"I want that written on my wall." Was Artemis' revelation.

A little in awe, Wally asked "Dude, Batman said that?"

"He Unsaid It." Robin corrected him.

"Right, whatever. We should totally put that up in the training hall!"

Agreeing with the speedster she started to formulate a plan of action. "Speed down to the nearest warehouse store and get some paint and I'll go grab some brushes."

"On it!" and with that, he was gone in a yellow blur.

Artemis turned to the Zeta-Beam teleporter with a: "See ya, Boy Wonder." And was gone.

Robin laughed as his friends set out to accomplish their plan. "Oh man, this is going to be great!"

THE NEXT DAY:

Batman walked into the training hall to meet with the eager Young Justice for their scheduled training session. Robin, who was following his at the heels, seemed a bit too happy for his liking. Don't get him wrong, he loved seeing his ward in a good mood (or as the Boy Wonder would put it: an asterous mood). But being the man that he was; the great detective that he was, he couldn't help but be a tad bit suspicious. But seeing as this was his son he decided to shrug it off as he walked into the hall…only to find that he probably shouldn't have. Robin, as soon as they walked in decided to put on a poker face as he looked up and saw something horrid scrawled onto the mountain walls. In large, even, blue lettering:

THE SPANDEX DOESN'T SHAPE YOU; YOU SHAPE THE SPANDEX  
\- Unsaid by Batman

He turned to Robin. Eyes narrowing in suspicion again. His protégé's face gave away nothing…he trained him well…then:

"What? I've been with you this entire time! You can't seriously believe I had something to do with this."

Batman's eyes narrowed further and finally he spoke firmly, "Robin…"

Crap…Robin thought Bats is going to kill me!

"Sorry, sorry, I just—"

"What's that?" The Flash zoomed over to the wall. 

"Who did that?" Superman asked cocking his head at the bold font. Batman turned to glare at Robin but the Boy Wonder was nowhere to be found. 

"We could always use some more artwork around here," Black Canary said. The rest of the Justice League began to pool in. Batman had had enough of this. 

"Flash get some paint, we'll just go over—" 

"No! We can't" Green Lantern said. 'Why the hell not? This is ridiculous' thought the Dark Knight.

"He's right. I love it. We're keeping that" Wonder Woman said gazing upon the wall. 

"It doesn't even make any sense" Batman growled. 

"You said it, well unsaid it" Flash pointed out. Robin and he were going to have a very long talk about misquoting him later. 

"We're keeping it!" Zatanna said. "It's like a metaphor. We can't let our costumes and our masks let us change who we are. We need to be heroes underneath the spandex tights. The costume doesn't create the hero" 

"She's got a point" Superman said agreeing. 

"No she doesn't. You're all making zero sense, and we're painting over this" Batman said with his 'No arguments' voice.

"How 'bout we take a vote" Green Arrow suggested. 

"All in favor of keeping this as the new Justice League motto" Everyone but Batman raised their hands. 'Screw democracy,' Bruce thought. 'I hate all of you.'

ELSEWHERE: 

Artemis, Kid Flash, and Robin watched the entire scene unfold for the entrance way. 

"That did not go how I thought it would," Artemis said.

"Who care's?" KF cheered. "We're totally AWESOME!" 

"We're gonna be in so much trouble from Batman..." Robin said with a grin plastered on his face. 

Miss Martian stared at the message on the wall for a moment. 

"I don't get it" she whispered to Kaldur. 

"Nor do I, but I think it would be best if we just said nothing on this matter," Aqualad said wearily watching the other three laughing and cheering.


End file.
